


everything is nothing without you

by dumblesbianenergy



Series: no one ever taught you how to love right [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Comfort, Coping Mechanisms, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Pidge - Freeform, SHIDGE, Shiro - Freeform, Shiro/Pidge - Freeform, Takashi Shirogane - Freeform, dumblesbianwrites, it ends happy i swear, katie holt - Freeform, learning to love again, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 16:53:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17832458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dumblesbianenergy/pseuds/dumblesbianenergy
Summary: learning to love again is hard. especially when your boyfriend inhabits the body of the man you thought you knew.





	everything is nothing without you

pidge and shiro both have a feeling. a heavy, dense feeling that suffocates the air between them, a feeling neither of them want to admit.

they cannot go on like this.

it’s more than the occasional argument. it’s a bitterness that seeps through the walls; it’s the shouting and screaming that wakes up the neighbours; it’s the looks their friends give each other, like they know this won’t last.

shiro doesn’t know how it got this way. to him, it feels like yesterday they were finally returning to earth and moving in together. he still remembers the boxes piled high that made it impossible to move around their small but comfortable apartment. somehow, years later, there is even less room.

pidge knows exactly how it got this way. it started with the nightmares, terrifying dreams of shiro turning into a monster that kept her up at night. she began chasing late nights to avoid sleeping, and refusing to see a therapist despite shiro begging her to. part of her wishes she could admit that she was wrong, that she does need help, but it’s too late for that now, isn’t it?

“pidge.” shiro begins, one morning over breakfast. this is unusual; most mornings shiro is at the gym and pidge is still asleep from working late, but today they both know they need to talk.

“shiro.” pidge replies, staring down at her mug of coffee. she doesn’t really look at him anymore.

“you know.” 

“i know what?”

“what i’m going to say.”

“do i?”

“pidge, don’t be like this.”

“be like what?”

shiro sighs. he sighs a lot these days. before, her playful teasing would make him laugh, but now it just frustrates him. how has he aged so much in so little time?

“i think we need a break.” 

the words feel wrong coming out of his mouth. she finally looks at him, confusion and betrayal etched on her features. they both knew it was coming, but tip toeing around it and actually admitting it are two very different things.

“why the hell would we need a break?” pidge answers abruptly, her hands tightening around her mug.

“you know why.” shiro says, and it is her turn to sigh. she used to love when he did that, always treating her like she knows everything, but she doesn’t really want to be so intelligent all the time anymore. 

“because of all the arguing? shiro, every couple has problems. have you seen lance and allura? they fight like every other week.”

“this isn’t like that. we’re not the people we used to be. when we first got together, you were sixteen and-“

“so what?” pidge interrupts. she is older now, but she still gets defensive when shiro points out how young she was when they began seeing each other. she hates it. her age was never a concern. she would have fallen for shiro no matter when they met. it was inevitable.

“all i’m saying is, it’s okay if you don’t love me like you used to. people fall in and out of love all the time. i understand if you don’t want to do this anymore.” shiro has to blink hard as he speaks, because he refuses to cry. 

he is still in love with pidge; he is as enamoured and amazed by her as when they first met. but he knows she has changed. she has always been independent, but now is different. now, she is pushing him away. he isn’t allowed to call her katie, to touch her with his prosthetic arm, to talk about their time in space at all. shiro doesn’t mind all that as much as he minds not knowing why.

pidge stares at him. she tries to take a sip of her coffee but spills the hot liquid on her hand, hissing in pain as her skin reddens. shiro goes to touch her, but she pulls away. she always pulls away, whether she wants to or not.

“you think i don’t love you anymore?” her voice is small and high pitched, and she hates how young she sounds.

“what else am i supposed to think based on all the things you do? i’m not trying to-“

“you are unbelievable.” pidge cuts him off again, giving him a look so hurt that he can barely take it.

“i know i don’t act like a normal human being. i know i’m distant, and i’m always angry, and i’m a lot to deal with, okay? you don’t have to tell me what i already know.” she says, standing up to wash the coffee from her hand but also because if she looks at him any longer, she’ll cry. as she turns to the sink, her eyes are watering anyway.

“but i do all of that stuff because i love you. i love you more than anyone has ever loved anyone else in all of history. i love you so much it hurts me, shiro, and that’s why i do all of those things. i’m trying to protect you from me, and i end up pushing you away.” 

the tears are impossible to stop now, and pidge wipes furiously under her eyes to get rid of them. she doesn’t want to cry, but she starts crying anyway, and when she turns back around, shiro is crying too. he opens his mouth to speak, but pidge is sure whatever he’s going to say will hurt too much, so she continues.

“so yeah. you can think i’m too young, or that i don’t know what i’m doing here, and maybe you’re right. but don’t you dare think that i don’t love you. i’ve lost you too many times to lose you again. i-i can’t lose you again.” pidge’s voice breaks, and so does shiro’s heart. he thinks he might finally be beginning to understand.

“you push me away because you don’t want to hurt me. you think you’re a monster, because thats how he made you feel, isn’t it?” 

shiro knows he is in dangerous territory. out of all of pidge’s rules, the biggest one is to never mention him. the not shiro. he doesn’t want to look at her, but he does, and her face is frozen in shock.

“i know you don’t like talking about him and what he did to you. but keeping it all inside isn’t healthy. you need to open up - to me or to your family or to a doctor. it doesn’t matter who. if you don’t, you’re going to destroy yourself, katie, and i can’t watch that happen.”

“do you know why i don’t like you calling me katie?”

shiro blinks at her sudden question. she doesn’t even seem angry, or maybe she’s so angry, she’s calm.

“because it reminds you of him?” he answers tentatively, waking on eggshells.

“because it makes me feel powerless. like i’m this useless child that can’t do anything. that’s how... how he made me feel. and i’m scared of feeling like that again.” pidge admits, to him and herself.

shiro doesn’t answer at first. the reply he has conjured died in his throat, and so they sit in silence while he tries to find the right words to say. he quickly discovers that there are none. 

“you need to see a therapist.”

“no i don’t.” she replies automatically, knowing it is a lie. shiro wipes his watering eyes and looks at her sadly.

“yes you do.” he says gently, reaching across the counter for her hand. surprisingly, she allows him to, and they cling to each other like it is the first time they have touched.

pidge swallows before speaking.

“yes i do.” she says in a voice that is barely audible.

“i-i need help. i know i do. i know this-“ she gestures to herself and then their joined hands. “-isn’t normal.”

to her surprise, shiro chuckles weakly. it is half hearted and sorrowful, but it is laughter nonetheless, the first laughter to echo in their walls for a long time.

“katie, i died and was replaced by a clone of myself, whose body i now inhabit after being downloaded from the consciousness of a giant magical lion. nothing about us is normal.” 

pidge can’t help but burst into giggles at that, joy and life filling her amber eyes that had been so empty and dull for so long. they laugh together, for seconds or hours or forever. she reaches out to him tentatively, and on instinct he stands and pulls her into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around her protectively. her shoulders tremble, but shiro doesn’t ask if she’s crying. he already knows.

“i think,” pidge begins, in a very small and childlike voice buried in his shirt. “you’re right to want a break. i don’t know if this- if we- are entirely healthy anymore.” her muffled words pierce shiro’s heart, but he doesn’t comment.

“but i don’t care. i’d rather suffer with you than be happy alone. i know i’ve got a long way to go to be okay again, and i can’t be okay without you.”

“so what do we do?” shiro asks simply, pulling away to look into her eyes. grey meet brown, and the universe seems to grant them understanding. 

“let’s start again.” pidge whispers, reaching up to touch his cheek with small, narrow fingers. shiro places his hand over hers and leans into her touch. it feels like a soothing balm over the burning he can’t seem to escape.

“start again? how?” he asks, and she smiles that intelligent smile that he loves. pidge pulls away from shiro, detangling their limbs to offer her palm our in a handshake.

“like this. hi. i’m katie holt.” she says simply, the corners of her lips turned upwards.

“takashi shirogane,” he replies, taking her hand in his and shaking it firmly. part of him wants to laugh at their silly introductions, but another part of him feels that this is more than just a joke.

“nice to meet you, takashi.” katie says politely, her eyes glinting in the warm morning light. 

“likewise, katie.” takashi responds, letting go of her hand but never breaking his gaze. she smiles, grins with all teeth and tongue like she used to, and suddenly she is a new person. he feels new himself, like his mind has undergone a transformation. a shift in perspective, perhaps.

“make i kiss you, katie?” takashi asks. she blinks at his directness, but her smile never fades.

“i would be honoured.” katie replies. he steps towards her and takes her hand and she reaches up and finally, their lips meet for the first time.

it is the kiss of two people who have fallen apart and been put back together, the kiss of a love reborn.


End file.
